Family Issues

Sibling rivalry is one of the oldest problems in a family.  One of the first occurrences is the one chronicled in the Bible when Cain was jealous of his brother Abel.  Joseph’s brothers sold him to traders because he was the father’s favorite.  In the fairy tale Cinderella, the stepsisters did all they can to snatch the prince away.  Is sibling rivalry a natural phenomenon?

Siblings will always compete against one another, no matter how close they are.  And there are many causes why siblings pit their skills, wits, resources, and wiles against each other. One reason is the difference in sex.  A brother would envy his sister who is treated more gently and whose wishes are granted more often.  On the other hand, a sister would envy her brother who is often allowed to go out of the house and play with his friends.

Another factor that could trigger rivalry is the position of the sibling in the family.  The oldest may feel that the younger siblings are given more leniencies in their mistakes while he must strive to always do the right thing.  On the other hand, the youngest may feel that he will never be as good as the eldest. And still another factor is the stage of growth of the siblings. When one is four years old and the other is eight years old, the two can still play games together and enjoy each others company.  But when the older one reaches the age of fourteen and the other is still ten years old, they may never agree on anything at all.

Despite all the factors we have enumerated, disagreements among siblings can still be considered healthy as long as they don’t escalate to hate and violence.  The one factor that can influence the outcome of a sibling rivalry is parental attitude. 

Children have different personalities.  Some personalities would appeal more to parents while others would make parents feel out of place.  In the midst of this, parents should remain impartial.  But impartiality does not mean equal treatment.  Impartiality means that same rules must apply.  That is, an older child is allowed to stay up late because he is already sixteen years old.  The six-year-old sibling still needs more hours of sleep so he must go to bed early.  Only when he reaches the same age will he be allowed to stay up late.

There are also some things that a parent should avoid to prevent the sibling rivalry to worsen.  One is that parents should make no comparisons.  Every child is unique.  This uniqueness applies both to his abilities and to his inabilities. Another is that parents must not take sides when siblings are quarreling.  As much as possible, the siblings must be allowed to settle differences by themselves.  When they overcome their rivalry, siblings grow closer to each other.

You’ve dreamt about this your whole life. You dreamt about finding the man meant for you, hearing him say “I love you”, seeing him go down on bended knee and propose to you after a wonderful candlelit dinner but wait! Before you say “yes” and let him slip that beautiful engagement ring on your finger, take a few moments to ask yourself one very important question: are you really ready to walk down the aisle…or should you be walking away from marriage for this instance because you’re plainly unprepared?

Marriage is one of the most serious commitments you’ll enter into in your whole life so do try to consider what your life could and would be after the wonderful Church wedding and the romantic garden reception you’re already envisioning in the mind. A lot of old married couples say that the only time they were happy was during the wedding and beyond that…

If you’re truly set on marrying, do make sure that you’re clearly aware of all the changes you’re going to experience and that you’re willing to adjust to all of them.

Marriage Isn’t Always A Bed Of Roses
Although the idea of waking up and sleeping next to the person you love everyday is a very irresistible thought, please try to consider also the downside of living with another person 24/7. You may find out too late that his penchant for whistling gets on your nerves and that he has this irritating tendency to always be the one to hold the remote control. There would also be times that you and your partner would be fighting about petty stuff but this time around, you don’t have the option of leaving him to sulk off in your parents’ home or with your friends. You’re married now so it’s time to solve your problems on your own rather than run away from them.

Never Expect
Even though you’ve known your guy for years and years and you feel that you know just about everything that relates to him, down to the number of moles he has on his entire body, when it comes to marriage, you’ll realize that you really didn’t know him that well. And that’s because dating a man every night is entirely different from living with him constantly. Marriage would enable to let you see his true colors…and vice versa. Still, if you truly love each other, you must make a point of adjusting because you’ve promised that only death shall tear you asunder.

Judging the examples your own parents have set and all the other countless sets of parents who were able to care for their children in an impressive fashion, you wonder miserably what it is that you’re doing wrong that makes child care so difficult.
But truly, nobody said that child care, and raising a family of your own for that matter, would be easy. Ask your parents and they’d be the first ones to say that there were times that they wished to go back in time when they had no children plaguing them with problems day in and day out. Child care is more difficult than running a country at times so don’t be too hard on yourself.

Admit You’re Imperfect
It’s okay to always strive for imperfection but to expect yourself to be perfect at all times is futile, not to mention foolish. There will always be instances when you’d realize you made a mistake in handling your kid. You were lenient when you had to be strict. You weren’t able to show mercy when it was better to show compassion. The important thing there is that you realized your mistake and to learn from your experience. Likewise, if you accept the fact that you’re not perfect then give your children the same credit by not expecting them to be perfect at all times, too. They’re children so they’re more liable to commit mistakes then punish themselves harder than most adults because they don’t understand it’s a human trait to fail.

Talk To Them
One problem about child care is that most parents have this wrong belief that they always know what’s best for their kids. Sometimes, and you have to accept this as a fact, it’s really children who knows best. Don’t force them to do something they obviously don’t want to do. They may still be young but children have their own minds and there are some parts of life that they already know what they want.

The Important Thing Is To Try Your Best…
Don’t let failure get the better of you! Try, try and try until you succeed. Sure, you’ve had your share of bad days of child care but concentrate on the good days because if you give up entirely, that’s the time when you truly failed your children for good.

…And Show Your Children That You Love Them
Haven’t you once thought how silly it was that you believed a kiss from your mother could make the pain go away? But back then, it seemed to do the trick, didn’t it? That’s because knowing someone loves you makes a person feel better. No matter what, showing your children you care is one of the things you should never forget to do.

Parenthood, according to many, is a thankless job but it’s worthwhile all the same when you look back on everything you did and suffered then see your children grow up into well-adjusted persons leading contented lives and in possession of successful careers. If you once thought that entering into marriage was just about the biggest decision you made in your life, you thought wrong. There’s yet a bigger decision to make and that involves raising a family of your own.

If marriage once meant adjusting to living with your partner and making compromises for each other, expect twice the trouble when you do try to raise a family of your own. A marriage involves two adults who are able to make mature decisions and act independently. Raising a family, however, involves taking care of another person – who, for the first few years of his life, would be entirely dependent on both of you. In fact, his entire existence solely depends on your ability to care and nourish him.

If you’re entertaining the idea of becoming parents yourself, do read on and find out about the responsibilities that are associated with raising your very own family.

Pregnancy – Obviously, if you decide that you’re ready to become parents in your own right, you – as the wife – have to be pregnant first. But some marriages are destined to be somewhat unlucky if one of them – the husband or the wife – turns out to be barren because that means not being able to have a child born and possessing both of your genes. If this happens, are you willing to adopt another child or simply give up your dreams of raising a family entirely?

Infancy – Let’s say you’re lucky enough to be fertile and now you’ve given birth to the noisiest baby in the planet. The troubles don’t stop there. Infants are notoriously hard to take care of. You have to focus your attention on them 24/7 or risk that they’d be in an accident. Infants are very vulnerable and weak so they need all the help they can get.

It’s time to say goodbye to staying out late at nights and pampering yourself with visits to the salon everyday.
Toddler – Raising a toddler is almost as bad as taking care of babies. Although not quite as weak as infants are, they can still give you enough trouble by being hyperactive!

At first glance, the hardships of parenthood may seem too much to bear but they say that the first time you see your baby smile, you’ll realize that it’s been worth it.

It’s always hard for parents when they realize that it’s time to let go of their children, especially when it concerns a daughter. Maybe it’s because of the double standards of society but to most of us, boys are stronger, not only physically, but also emotionally than girls so we find it easier to let go of our sons rather than daughters. And to fathers, their daughters usually have this way of staying as little girls in their eyes.

But it’s almost inevitable in most parents’ lives that the time would come when they have to let their daughters go. Whether it’s for them to start college, embark on their chosen profession in a new city or enter marriage and raise a family of their own – whatever the reason is, it’s extremely hard for the heads of the family to accept the fact that their children have grown up and about to lead lives of their own.

If this is already happening or about to happen to your family, here are a few tips to enable you to adjust better to the situation your family is at present.

Have a one on one talk with your daughter. That’s one of the best ways to erase any doubts you, as parents and heads of the family, may have about the situation she’s planning to enter. If you fear that she’s not yet ready to live independently or raise a family of her own, hear what your daughter has to say and you may be surprised that she’s more mature than both of you originally believed.

Learn about her new life. If, on the other hand, you’re expressing doubts about the new chapter of her life and not her abilities to live her own life without the presence of her family nearby then try to get to know just a little bit better what kind of life she’s about to lead. Make inquiries about the college she’s about to study in if it wasn’t your first choice for your daughter.

Consider accompanying her on her first trip to another city so you’d see for yourself if the neighborhood she’d be living in is safe and nice. Get to know her new boyfriend by inviting him over to dinner.

No matter what happens and what you and your daughter decide, it’s imperative to show that you trust in your daughter’s decision. Being extremely suspicious, protective and condescending would only alienate your daughter. Be supportive because that’s really what families are all about.