Family Issues

Getting married is always the first step towards building a family. The then former single people that are not yet devoted to anything finally become one. This means that they will have to learn to commit themselves to one another no matter how big or small the problems are.

One small problem that a newly married couple may experience may be the irritating things or habits one couple does. The other half may have habits such as snoring loudly at night or not putting the toilet seat up. These bad habits should be learnt to be handled. Learning to handle these small habitual problems will definitely help out when you encounter more major problems.

The habitual things that may have been irritating you may have been there all along. The only reason why you notice it, is because you seem to be spending more time with each other. Naturally when that happens, you pour out all your attention on both yourselves.

To deal with these irritating habitual problems, simply talk to the other half. Don’t talk to him or her in a very harsh way. Try to talk with some humor involved. This will make the person try to change his or her ways. Remember though that old habits are hard to change. This might take some time or just get used to it.

Try to also ask him or her what your bothersome habits are. This will only make things fair and not only see things in your point of view. If you try to spend time working out your irritating bad habits you might actually forget about your spouse’s problems.

If the habit is still being repeated periodically, express yourself again to him or her. It is better to say to a partner that you are being driven crazy than be driven crazy through your anger.

There is also a bracelet that has a wording called “What would Jesus Do?” This bracelet will help give you a calmer peace of mind. Instead f getting pissed off; just remember the words on your bracelet. Pray for those complaints and ask for more patience to guide you.

The best thing to do is write down those irritating habits. Writing them down can help make you see how simple and stupid those things you get irritated at. They are just pecks of dusts. There are more serious things to worry about. Instead don’t worry too much about the small stuff.

Lighten up; just see how funny the situation is, instead of getting riled up for the simplest matters. You’ll definitely build a stronger relationship by laughing at the smaller things.

A teenager may not experience physical abuse but he or she may be subjected to emotional abuse.  There are five known cycles of emotional abuse.  Usually, one of the parents may be the one inflicting one or more of the cycles of emotional abuse.  Sometimes, both parents are emotionally abusing the teenager. 

It is important that the teenager must be aware of these cycles so that he can cope with such situations and prevent them from completely paralyzing his own personality and destroying his abilities.  The five cycles of emotional abuse are rage, enmeshment, extreme overprotection, rejection or abandonment, and complete neglect.

Rage is often a way of insecure parents or guardians in showing their power and establishing control or domination.  When the pervading emotion in the home is wrath, the teenager is naturally frightened.  The terror that the inexperienced teenager is facing keeps him from thinking clearly for himself and from trusting his own judgment.  The teenager is defenseless against such calculated rage.  His own emotional growth is crippled.  As a result, he cannot make his own decisions nor forge his own future.

Enmeshment refers to the too tight famiy circle.  There is no room for private thoughts or individuality.  Family goals are the priority of everyone.  And a teenager is brainwashed to believe that all his actions must be for the benefit of the family.  The teen is not expected to make his own decisions.  He is bound to follow the verdict of the father or the mother.  And the teen cannot choose his own friends.  The friends he must have are people willing to join the enmeshment of his family.

Extreme overprotection hinders a teenager’s desire to become independent.  He is at the stage in which he attempts to find his “own person” but his parents or guardian leads him to believe that he cannot be safe without the guidance of the adult.  He is required to meet the expectations of the parents.  For example, if the teenager is planning to become an architect, he will feel guilty about it.

Rejection or abandonment becomes the consequence when a teenager expresses an opinion that does not coincide with that of the parent or guardian.  If the teen wants to be “loved”, he must agree with his parent.  Otherwise, the parent withdraws the love.  Such condition can terrify the teenager into submission.  As the teenager grows, he begins to believe that to love is to control someone.  He begins to distrust everyone he meets, especially those who are offering love.

Complete neglect is the extreme form of abandonment.  This makes the teenager feel that he is worthless and that he fulfills no purpose in the world he occupies.  His food and clothing needs may be met, but his parents or guardians are never around.

The parent must also recognize these cycles of abuse.  They may have been subject to these and they are passing such abuse to their children.

New mothers wanted to do right the first time with their first baby.  They tend to entertain many problems that they imagine could happen.  Many of these potential problems would never see the light of day but some of their concerns are indeed important.

Foremost of these is the question of whether the baby is getting enough breast milk or not.  Many mothers worry that they do not produce enough milk for their baby.  The opinions of relatives often increase their distress.  For example, they may cite that one of the cousins produces more milk and her baby feeds more often.  Something could go wrong with the baby’s health.  But the mother must not listen to this kind of comparison.  The new mom should just monitor the weight changes of the baby.  If the baby is gaining weight as he should, then there really is nothing to worry about.

Another concern is when the baby vomits after breastfeeding.  Many babies vomit after being breastfed because they may have been overfed.  This is why mothers hold the baby against their shoulder to help burp the baby.  However, if the baby is in pain or looked irritable when being breastfed, and if the baby is not gaining weight, the new mother should immediately contact the pediatrician.
A third concern is the way a baby should sleep.  A baby must sleep on his back or on his side.  Sleeping on his tummy puts him at risk of SIDS or Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. 

SIDS happens when the baby suddenly dies and there seems to be no cause of death.  It is also important for the baby to sleep on a mattress that does not shift.  A stable bed will decrease the chances of suffocation.

Still another concern is the crying of the baby.  The baby doesn’t know how to speak yet and so crying is his only means of communicating his feelings or his wants.  He cries when he wants to feed or to sleep.  But sometimes, no matter what the new mother does, a baby would keep on crying.  The cause of this is most probably colic.  Colic is an intestinal pain that may begin when the baby is just two weeks old and this could last until he reaches about three months old.  To determine the reason why the baby is colic, it is best to again consult the pediatrician.

New mothers should never have second thoughts about calling their pediatrician even for seemingly silly reasons.  Pediatricians should also welcome the questions of the new mothers.

There will be times when you may feel inadequate about your motherhood skills.  There will many trying times.  But your baby’s trust in you to be always there is one of the greatest rewards.

Sibling rivalry is one of the oldest problems in a family.  One of the first occurrences is the one chronicled in the Bible when Cain was jealous of his brother Abel.  Joseph’s brothers sold him to traders because he was the father’s favorite.  In the fairy tale Cinderella, the stepsisters did all they can to snatch the prince away.  Is sibling rivalry a natural phenomenon?

Siblings will always compete against one another, no matter how close they are.  And there are many causes why siblings pit their skills, wits, resources, and wiles against each other. One reason is the difference in sex.  A brother would envy his sister who is treated more gently and whose wishes are granted more often.  On the other hand, a sister would envy her brother who is often allowed to go out of the house and play with his friends.

Another factor that could trigger rivalry is the position of the sibling in the family.  The oldest may feel that the younger siblings are given more leniencies in their mistakes while he must strive to always do the right thing.  On the other hand, the youngest may feel that he will never be as good as the eldest. And still another factor is the stage of growth of the siblings. When one is four years old and the other is eight years old, the two can still play games together and enjoy each others company.  But when the older one reaches the age of fourteen and the other is still ten years old, they may never agree on anything at all.

Despite all the factors we have enumerated, disagreements among siblings can still be considered healthy as long as they don’t escalate to hate and violence.  The one factor that can influence the outcome of a sibling rivalry is parental attitude. 

Children have different personalities.  Some personalities would appeal more to parents while others would make parents feel out of place.  In the midst of this, parents should remain impartial.  But impartiality does not mean equal treatment.  Impartiality means that same rules must apply.  That is, an older child is allowed to stay up late because he is already sixteen years old.  The six-year-old sibling still needs more hours of sleep so he must go to bed early.  Only when he reaches the same age will he be allowed to stay up late.

There are also some things that a parent should avoid to prevent the sibling rivalry to worsen.  One is that parents should make no comparisons.  Every child is unique.  This uniqueness applies both to his abilities and to his inabilities. Another is that parents must not take sides when siblings are quarreling.  As much as possible, the siblings must be allowed to settle differences by themselves.  When they overcome their rivalry, siblings grow closer to each other.

You’ve dreamt about this your whole life. You dreamt about finding the man meant for you, hearing him say “I love you”, seeing him go down on bended knee and propose to you after a wonderful candlelit dinner but wait! Before you say “yes” and let him slip that beautiful engagement ring on your finger, take a few moments to ask yourself one very important question: are you really ready to walk down the aisle…or should you be walking away from marriage for this instance because you’re plainly unprepared?

Marriage is one of the most serious commitments you’ll enter into in your whole life so do try to consider what your life could and would be after the wonderful Church wedding and the romantic garden reception you’re already envisioning in the mind. A lot of old married couples say that the only time they were happy was during the wedding and beyond that…

If you’re truly set on marrying, do make sure that you’re clearly aware of all the changes you’re going to experience and that you’re willing to adjust to all of them.

Marriage Isn’t Always A Bed Of Roses
Although the idea of waking up and sleeping next to the person you love everyday is a very irresistible thought, please try to consider also the downside of living with another person 24/7. You may find out too late that his penchant for whistling gets on your nerves and that he has this irritating tendency to always be the one to hold the remote control. There would also be times that you and your partner would be fighting about petty stuff but this time around, you don’t have the option of leaving him to sulk off in your parents’ home or with your friends. You’re married now so it’s time to solve your problems on your own rather than run away from them.

Never Expect
Even though you’ve known your guy for years and years and you feel that you know just about everything that relates to him, down to the number of moles he has on his entire body, when it comes to marriage, you’ll realize that you really didn’t know him that well. And that’s because dating a man every night is entirely different from living with him constantly. Marriage would enable to let you see his true colors…and vice versa. Still, if you truly love each other, you must make a point of adjusting because you’ve promised that only death shall tear you asunder.